Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
