I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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