yo everyone went to the hospital last night
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
