I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
