I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
