Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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