all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
