remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
