Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
