Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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