it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
