Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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