If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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