Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
