wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
