u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
