made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
