just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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