She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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