we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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