I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
