just come out here and I will go home with you...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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