just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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