There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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