Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
