Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
