buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
