we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
