just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
