Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dignity is for republicans.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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