i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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