Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
