The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
