Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
