Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
