did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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