Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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