my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
