Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
