He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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