Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
