I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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