I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
