forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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