Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
ttyl tear gas
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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