I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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