the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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