We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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