I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
