it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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