come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
