all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Is it penis luge time yet?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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