I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
