My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
