I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
