Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
