I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
