He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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