all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
